An RRR (Real Romantic Relationship)

Is it safe to say that most women want an amazing romantic relationship with a man who understands their needs and is a knight in shining armor? Sure this may vary by certain amounts across women, but I mention it because it seems to me that men and women struggle to have good long lasting relationships. After a few years things get dull and inevitably a break-up or divorce occurs. There’s mostly men and women on this planet. Relationships between the two seem to be a big part of life. So if things aren’t working, are women and men destined to be frustrated beyond belief with each other?

A Real Romantic Relationship

Can a marriage or relationship last through life and be amazing every step of the way? Do only a few lucky couples continually have passion and devotion throughout their entire lives? Are the rest of us destined to bicker, fight, and struggle through our marriages? We men are capable of giving our women a real romantic relationship that melts their heart and inspires them. I’ll share some ways we can do this if we men will just be a little humble and teachable. But first…

Half of Marriages End In Divorce

Half of marriages end in divorce. That means if you are married, take a coin and choose heads or tales. The chance that you will get divorce is the same as guessing the side of the coin to come up after the flip. Is that the best we can do as humans? I give this a big WTF. Why are we getting in relationships and getting out at such a staggering rate. Sure some relationships should end due to abuse, neglect, etc… But 50 percent? Yikes!

After Almost 12 Years of Marriage…

I’m still a noob at marriage. I don’t have a clue what makes a good marriage or relationship. I only have theories and ideas, books I’ve read, people I’ve listened to to see if what they say works. But at this stage, I actually have a healthy respect for the reality of divorce and relationship break-up and the high frequency it happens. I don’t like it, but after looking back on my own marriage and my own incompetence, I can see why it occurs so often. Because I am a man, I’m going to take ownership for my gender and say we men need to take responsibility and own up to this high divorce rate.

As I approach year 12 of my marriage with Heidi, I can honestly look back at it and even today and say why the heck is she still with me? I honestly have been a clueless dolt, a wandering blubbering idiot when it comes to my marriage. For a while, I treated it as me being the only conscious being in our marriage and if I didn’t feel happy, then WTF is the problem? Never did it occur to me until recently that I actually had the power to influence my marriage and make it an RRR (real romantic relationship).

What I Learned About My Wife

We men seem to be sexually driven by instinct/nature. I don’t know why, I’m not a biologist/scientist. But I do know it because I feel that way. So if I just act that way and use that as my basis for action, what is usually the result? A marriage of friction and selfishness on my part. It’s not to say that I can’t have that need met. But it’s quite apparent to me that if I focus on sex first, I create a marriage that is pulled apart rather than brought together. So what did I learn?

Journey to My Wife’s Closet

I went to my wife’s closet the other day and initially it was for selfish reasons. I was looking for some lingerie for her to wear that night for an after hot date party with her. I started looking through it and after some seconds, I realized something. The closet was small and cramped for the clothes and accessories she had in there. I tried seeing what clothes were on the far left of her clothes bar and I literally had to reach far back and force the clothes over. Not only that, our hamper for dirty clothes is in the closet and our cat food! What a mess.

So my poor wife who loves to dress nice has been putting up with this vice-grip of a closet without a word of complaint. I feel a little sheepish not having taken the time to actually decide to put myself in her shoes and feel what she feels – to know her frustrations and desires and in that moment, in the closet, I realized the error of my ways. I also noticed the same thing with the master bathroom. Our kitty litter is in there and it is also small and cramped.

The closet and bathroom are like the fortress of solitude for the woman. And here I am having been oblivious to it for all these years. Shame on me. However, all is not lost. I can at least admit it to Heidi, which I did. I can at least say I want them to be better and talk about ways we can improve them. We are now in discussions about how we might improve the closet and bathroom. This will go a long way to giving my wife some solitude from two screaming little girls.

Be Humble and Focus on Your Woman First

I understand that it takes two to make a marriage/relationship work. But I’m a man and I believe it starts with us. Talk with your woman. See what she values and desires. Then be willing to take the effort and ease her burden. If that means cleaning and doing dishes, then do it. If that means changing more poopy diapers, than get off your can and do it. If you do all this and your woman doesn’t appreciate you, then you’ve either married an alien, or you can know you’re doing all you can and shouldn’t worry about the outcome at that point.

We men are egotistical. We are bull-headed and don’t want to change. But since I’ve taken my wife’s interests at heart and made a conscious effort to help more around the house and with the kids and see if we can solve some of her problems with the closet and bathroom, I’ve noticed she is happier and more open to me and everything else has improved. We already had a pretty good marriage. With a little effort guys you can have a good relationship with a woman. Just realize it’s not just about you.

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2 thoughts on “An RRR (Real Romantic Relationship)

  1. Loved this story, Jeremy! I think it’s encouraging to know there are men (and women, of course) out there who are able to drop the ego and become more conscious about their partner’s needs and challenges.

    While it is true that some people come to this realization a day late and a dollar short (that is, too late), late is still better than never. This could actually mean an amazing new shift in your marriage where few have ever gone before… really exciting! :)

    I just hope I am able to use the lessons you’ve learned in my own relationships and help foster that mentality between my future partner and I. Keep it up!

    1. Valerie – glad to share the story. I think the closet story is one of my greatest epiphanies to date.

      Marriage is still a great deal of work even after that experience – but a step in the right direction with it.

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