How To NOT Get Married Temporarily

image by nouQraz

Read the title again a few more times – the goal here is to not end up like our friends in the above picture. Marriage can be a rewarding experience. It can also end in disaster if you don’t pay attention and follow some simple guidelines. After reading this article, you should have some strategies to strengthen your intimate relationships and once married – how to make the marriage last.

What NOT to do for a lasting marriage

• Hold your feelings inside stubbornly – when you are upset just don’t talk to your partner. Instead let your anger and frustration get worse and worse rather than working it out.
• Get infatuated due to loneliness – then rush into a marriage head over heels without heeding any advice from those around you.
• Don’t spend time trying to understand your partner – whenever they do something that you would not have done, simply criticize them and ask them what their problem is.
• Forget important dates – forget Christmas, Valentines Day, Anniversaries, first kisses, and any other important day. Then scramble after the important day and buy something online for your partner.
• Don’t learn from your spouse – just make the same mistakes over and over. Keep saying and doing those things which bother them.
• Take offense to everything – consider everything your spouse says a personal attack. Then snap back at them angry as well and have an argument.
• Be too independent or too dependent – rely on your spouse for everything done in the house or bringing home the paycheck. Let your spouse do all the work raising the kids. Or do everything and leave your spouse with nothing to do.
• Don’t cut any slack – make everything your spouse does be a wrong thing and constantly yell and complain about it. Have no room for apologies and be constantly frustrated.
• Don’t ever cooperate – be the know it all of the relationship who has no room for anyone else to give input. Get angry when your spouse doesn’t do something how you would like.
• Don’t trust your spouse – complain whenever they talk to the opposite sex. Accuse them of bad behavior. Show no confidence in your partner’s abilities.

Uh oh, have any of you ever done these things?

What to do for a lasting marriage

• Frequent communication – talk with your partner often. Don’t let yourself get worked up over small things. Share your feelings and ask for your partners counsel.
• Find out about those you get serious with – find out what they are doing with their lives. Do they work? Do they go to school? Are they drug free?
• Ask intelligent questions about your partner’s behavior – ask them what makes then tick. Find out why they do the things they do through caring and careful questions.
• Write down or memorize important days – plan well in advance for important days. Go shopping with someone your partner knows very well and get their advice for what to purchase for your partner.
• Learn from your spouse – find what makes them tick. Learn to adapt to their needs. If they want help doing dishes, then learn how to do dishes and help them.
• Learn to not take offense – your spouse is probably just trying to help. Ask for understanding and take no offense when you have conversations as nothing is a personal attack – your partner is only trying to help.
• Be an equal giver and taker – learn to lean on your spouse when things are rough for you and be willing to comfort your spouse when things are tough for them. Gain strength from your spouse, but also leave personal time to do your own projects/fun things.
• Do cut some slack – learn to laugh at mistakes from both of you. Accept mistakes and be encouraging. Work on projects together and listen to input from your spouse. Be mindful and careful of how your spouse wants to accomplish tasks and projects.
• Do cooperate – Learn to work together as a team with your spouse. Complete projects together. Go over your finances together. Take lead for chores around the house that your spouse normally does.
• Trust your partner in all situations – Let them have friends of the opposite sex. Trust them with handling finances. Trust them with making important decisions.

Have any of you had success with doing the right things in your relationships or marriage?

Marriage mistakes I personally have made

I’ve made many marriage mistakes. I bought my wife a stuffed animal dalmatian puppy for our first Christmas together – and that was all I bought. In my younger married years I spent hours on the computer playing silly games while my wife waited for my attention. I’ve rushed to get gifts the day of special dates. I’ve done it all :)

Things in marriage I have done right

I have made an effort to understand my wife, Heidi. I help change diapers, put our daughter to bed, do my best to make sure she gets her nap when I am home during the day, and get the help of her sister for buying gifts for her. Learning to both lean on my wife and let her lean on me. Then giving us each space to do the things we want to. I am working on being understanding and compromising at all times. This has lead to an even greater marriage for us.

There’s some do’s and don’ts here to digest. Take both lists and go over it with your significant other. Be willing to talk and come up with a plan for the next few days at least. What do you think about planning and talking together if you are married (and even if you are just in a relationships with someone)? Are there any other do’s and don’ts that you would add to this?

My wife and I, late 2009