I overheard a group of women talking at work the other day. The main topic: “Why is it so hard to find a good man?” This seems to be a common conversation theme among women. Men it seems don’t seem to have as big a concern over this (though still some concern). Here’s a few brief thoughts of mine as I continue to research this subject.
If you’re going to have a strong family and marriage (or a good relationship in general), then I think the question about a good man or woman is one worth exploring. So… let’s do some exploring :)
What Makes a Man Good?
Woman want a handsome, in-shape, appreciative man. A man that supports her and allows her to be herself. A man that is her friend and someone she can have fun with but also confide in. It doesn’t hurt if he is successful and has a lot of ambition and wealth. But those I believe are secondary to the key qualities mentioned.
What Makes a Woman Good?
Guys want a hot, sexy, confident, and supportive woman. If a woman is this, chances are guys are chasing her whether she or the guy is married or not. Of course each guy has their preference of what they consider good qualities. What is “hot” to one man is “not hot” to another.
As a man getting older (almost 34 now), I am seeing intellect and emotional fitness as two key attributes I want to foster in my marriage with my wife. As a younger man when I was in my 20’s, it was all physical for me. But in my older years, I can say that women who are intellectual and emotionally fit are much more interesting to me now.
Why are Women so Fed Up?
I’ve received some good feedback on why women might be fed up. Part of it may be unrealistic expectations. Women may want a relationship to be perfect at first, but a good relationship takes time to mature and for both partners to understand each other.
Another reason is it is so easy for men to “cheat”. With technology and the ability to see a variety of women, along with being able to keep it all secret so easily, is it any wonder why a dedicated women who is honest is frustrated with men?
Guys, Get a Clue!
Guys, I think you need to make a decision – a rock solid firm decision. Either you want a stable relationship or marriage, or you are interested in having multiple partners freely. But DON’T get married and expect to live a lifestyle where you prance around chasing every pretty or interesting girl that comes into your vision. Most women just aren’t into that.
Also guys, if you’re in a relationship with a loving woman and are addicted to pornography, but she does not support that behavior, either acknowledge that you want that lifestyle and end the relationship, or get help and make a rock solid decision to stop looking at pornographic material. But don’t meander between looking at porn and wanting a relationship at the same time.
Finally guys, acknowledge your weaknesses and be honest with yourself and partner if you have one. I’m a married man. I have temptations and weaknesses. I acknowledge them. Even being married to an awesome woman does not prevent me from meeting women I am attracted to. This just is and I don’t know whether it’s biology or something else. But I’m committed to a strong marriage relationship knowing full well all my weaknesses/biological quirks.
Women, You’re Not Off the Hook Either
Women, if you expect a certain level of commitment from your man and don’t see it right away, could it be that you are with the wrong man? Or could it be that the relationship just needs time to mature. Listen to the feedback of your friends and be honest about the guy you are with. Maybe he is a deadbeat and you need to just let go of emotional attachment.
Women, as a married man, guys are bombarded with temptations in many forms on TV, the Internet, and printed media. I’d be willing to take a stab and say 95% or more of men have looked at pornography at some point and that many still look at it regularly (married or not). Many men are also distracted by other women even if that man is in a relationship. This just is. You know a good man when he admits this and is willing to work at the relationship even so.
Women, if your partner is being honest with you and willing to work at making the relationship great, have some patience and be slow to judge. Hold on to the honest man who admits his weaknesses but is willing to work to make it work even with them.
What I Think Can Be Done To Fix This
To fix this problem of “good men” and “good women” being so hard to find, I think some simple adjustments in expectations and thinking are needed. Men aren’t going to stop being interested in other women they see. But they can certainly be honest about it and with their actions stay committed to their relationship.
Honesty about what is wanted is also crucial. Don’t live a life of secrecy and try to have the stable marriage at the same time. It’s not fair to your partner. If you want multiple partners, end your relationship and don’t put your partner through the pain. Get clear about what you want and seek those who are in line with that.
With a bit of positive thinking, shift in beliefs and expectations, and upfront honesty, I think the views about good men and women can change drastically and each person can have that much better of a life.