Why Is It So Hard To Find A Good Man Or Woman These Days?

Man and Woman

I overheard a group of women talking at work the other day. The main topic: “Why is it so hard to find a good man?” This seems to be a common conversation theme among women. Men it seems don’t seem to have as big a concern over this (though still some concern). Here’s a few brief thoughts of mine as I continue to research this subject.

If you’re going to have a strong family and marriage (or a good relationship in general), then I think the question about a good man or woman is one worth exploring. So… let’s do some exploring :)

What Makes a Man Good?

Woman want a handsome, in-shape, appreciative man. A man that supports her and allows her to be herself. A man that is her friend and someone she can have fun with but also confide in. It doesn’t hurt if he is successful and has a lot of ambition and wealth. But those I believe are secondary to the key qualities mentioned.

What Makes a Woman Good?

Guys want a hot, sexy, confident, and supportive woman. If a woman is this, chances are guys are chasing her whether she or the guy is married or not. Of course each guy has their preference of what they consider good qualities. What is “hot” to one man is “not hot” to another.

As a man getting older (almost 34 now), I am seeing intellect and emotional fitness as two key attributes I want to foster in my marriage with my wife. As a younger man when I was in my 20’s, it was all physical for me. But in my older years, I can say that women who are intellectual and emotionally fit are much more interesting to me now.

Why are Women so Fed Up?

I’ve received some good feedback on why women might be fed up. Part of it may be unrealistic expectations. Women may want a relationship to be perfect at first, but a good relationship takes time to mature and for both partners to understand each other.

Another reason is it is so easy for men to “cheat”. With technology and the ability to see a variety of women, along with being able to keep it all secret so easily, is it any wonder why a dedicated women who is honest is frustrated with men?

Guys, Get a Clue!

Guys, I think you need to make a decision – a rock solid firm decision. Either you want a stable relationship or marriage, or you are interested in having multiple partners freely. But DON’T get married and expect to live a lifestyle where you prance around chasing every pretty or interesting girl that comes into your vision. Most women just aren’t into that.

Also guys, if you’re in a relationship with a loving woman and are addicted to pornography, but she does not support that behavior, either acknowledge that you want that lifestyle and end the relationship, or get help and make a rock solid decision to stop looking at pornographic material. But don’t meander between looking at porn and wanting a relationship at the same time.

Finally guys, acknowledge your weaknesses and be honest with yourself and partner if you have one. I’m a married man. I have temptations and weaknesses. I acknowledge them. Even being married to an awesome woman does not prevent me from meeting women I am attracted to. This just is and I don’t know whether it’s biology or something else. But I’m committed to a strong marriage relationship knowing full well all my weaknesses/biological quirks.

Women, You’re Not Off the Hook Either

Women, if you expect a certain level of commitment from your man and don’t see it right away, could it be that you are with the wrong man? Or could it be that the relationship just needs time to mature. Listen to the feedback of your friends and be honest about the guy you are with. Maybe he is a deadbeat and you need to just let go of emotional attachment.

Women, as a married man, guys are bombarded with temptations in many forms on TV, the Internet, and printed media. I’d be willing to take a stab and say 95% or more of men have looked at pornography at some point and that many still look at it regularly (married or not). Many men are also distracted by other women even if that man is in a relationship. This just is. You know a good man when he admits this and is willing to work at the relationship even so.

Women, if your partner is being honest with you and willing to work at making the relationship great, have some patience and be slow to judge. Hold on to the honest man who admits his weaknesses but is willing to work to make it work even with them.

What I Think Can Be Done To Fix This

To fix this problem of “good men” and “good women” being so hard to find, I think some simple adjustments in expectations and thinking are needed. Men aren’t going to stop being interested in other women they see. But they can certainly be honest about it and with their actions stay committed to their relationship.

Honesty about what is wanted is also crucial. Don’t live a life of secrecy and try to have the stable marriage at the same time. It’s not fair to your partner. If you want multiple partners, end your relationship and don’t put your partner through the pain. Get clear about what you want and seek those who are in line with that.

With a bit of positive thinking, shift in beliefs and expectations, and upfront honesty, I think the views about good men and women can change drastically and each person can have that much better of a life.

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12 thoughts on “Why Is It So Hard To Find A Good Man Or Woman These Days?

  1. Human beings are a weird group! Almost everything needs to be right for things to click. In other words to be a good match. You need to go through a lot of people to find the right one. It is not easy and it takes time. Many of us settle or pick the wrong one. It could be poor judgment or stupidity. I don’t really know. I am married 43+ years to the love of my life. I advised my adult children to go through all the seasons with your partner so you know if he or she is right for you.

  2. I’m so glad to hear someone ask where the good women are as well as asking where the good men are? I am sick and tired of feminists and so called “enlightened men”(which is usually translation for male who feels guilty about the lousy way he treats the woman in his life and throughs off on the rest of the male population to feel better) question where the good men are?

    During the past century, male bashing has become a sport that has gotten way out of hand. Even in the Protestant Church, it’s rampant. It’s time women and enlightened men got served a slice of humble pie.

    The reason why so many women have trouble finding “Mr. Right” is likely because they aren’t “Ms.Right.” Maybe women who tout themselves as strong independent women who intimidate men which is why they can’t find a man; should start asking themselves what’s WRONG with them. No one likes being around anyone, male or female, who’s obnoxious and challenging of everything without giving anything a rest.

    The worst thing we’ve done in our society is tell young girls and woman (as with men, same difference) that they’re all princesses. Most women believe it and can’t handle men who aren’t princes (a combination: John Wayne and Alan Alda). I mean honestly, women today can’t handle anything imperfect. If they could, they wouldn’t try to be so perfect.

    Ladies, if you want to find Mr. Right, “lower your standards” and “lower your opinions of yourselves.” The happiest relationships are when both people feel that they got better than they deserved.

  3. @krantcents Human beings certainly are a weird bunch. A lot of things do have to go right and the change has to be managed.

    @john You make some intriguing points – thanks for sharing your perspective.

  4. as a straight man, for me it is very difficult to meet a good woman today. there attitude has changed, and they have become very nasty today. what is up with that? too many cold women out there now. they most likely were abused by men years ago, and this will make it worse for the good straight men like me that do want to meet a good straight woman today. most of the women where i live are lesbians now, and of course it will be hard to meet them. so where can a good man go, to meet a decent woman now?

  5. the problem today is that many women need to be a lot more educated. they are so rotten now, and are very nasty when you try to talk to them. why is that ladies? what seems to be the problem? hate men? are many of you women lesbians today? were you abused by men at one time? there are many of us good straight men still left out there, that are hoping too meet a good straight woman as well.

  6. Always nice to get another person’s perspective on the volatile world of dating. Thanks Jeremy! Now i just need to find a “gay-version” of this :P. haha

  7. we are certainly living in different times now where it is very hard for us men that are trying to connect with the right woman. women have certainly changed over the years, and many of them seem to have an attitude problem, and have become so very difficult to talk too.

  8. I am married to my ex class mate We both are doctors. In 27 years I have done everything possible to make her happy (Even brought the moon down to earth figuratively) You are right about women specially educated professional women having an ATTITUDE. I am getting out of this marraige and I swear I will not even look at another professional carrier woman the second time aroud.I did not need her money neither did I ever used it.I paid for both of us out of my income.I am a elf made proud man who thinks spending a woman;s money is way beneath him

  9. I have to agree that the modern, independent woman is becoming a totally different being these days from what they used to be. Feminism is a poison that takes away the right of women who just want to be mothers and housewives – you are looked down upon if you’re not willing to be an ambitious professional… Apparently this means oppression to them… I am a sensitive woman and I cannot see myself in a corporate environment, and believe me, I tried… I’m not a mother but just a housewife and happy with my role, and I think women are losing those attractive typical feminine qualities, so no wonder men are being turned off by them… Why on earth would they want to be with a self absorbed bitch with a sense of fabulosity,rubbing their independence on their faces and burping feminist pearls everywhere they go? I am a woman and this attitude turns me off, so I wonder how men feel about this!

    In the other hand, men are becoming porn addict zombies, porn addiction is a real phenomenon, Internet porn is so much more damaging than the porn magazines from the old days: the bombardment of porn videos on the male brain is really damaging neurologically speaking,the brain was not designed to receive that amount of sexual stimuli so with time they become disconnected not only from their partners, but from reality! Porn addiction is a real threat to society, and I’m not coming from a religious or moral point of view, but from a scientific one: it’s real and it’s happening all over the world, some psychologists and neuroscientists are studying the long term effect of Internet porn usage on the brain and it’s not a small thing…

    Porn is hatred against women anyway, and my own experience tells me that men hooked on porn make the WORST LOVERS BECAUSE THEY DON’T MAKE LOVE TO YOU, BUT WITH THE IMAGES OF PORN STORED IN THEIR HEADS! YOU ARE JUST A WARM BODY THEY USE TO MASTURBATE USING THE IMAGES THEY SEEN EARLIER ON THE INTERNET! MY best sex ever was with a christian guy: we had very little in common intellectually, but sexually he was the BEST, and why? He didn’t grow up with porn around, so his sexuality was healthy and that made him very creative, as he followed his natural instincts, he wasn’t trained by pornography!

    The situation is really sobering for both parties and as a wife of a porn addict all I can say is I am happy I didn’t bring a child into this twisted world. I feel sorry for my nieces and nephews, though… The world that I grew up in is gone forever, unfortunately…

    1. @Lunna – wow, lots you had to say there. I agree that porn addiction detracts from attention from real women here on the earth. I know a lot of people that are very happy in the world, however. There’s always a bright and a dark side to everything, you get to choose what you focus on :)

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