On April 19th, 2016 (my ex-wife’s birthday funny enough), I began to have back issues. Here I am, 5 months later and 2 months post a spinal fusion operation and for the first time in my life, I have not had my health for an extended period of time. I haven’t been able to run, play basketball, go to the gym, or do any of the fun things that I like to do. It is the singular most frustrating thing I’ve ever had to deal with in my entire life. At age 38, I feel like I’ve been mortally wounded and unable to do the things I love to do.
Now, not having my health has forced me to take a step back and examine my life. I’ve had to work out short term disability leave from my employer and tomorrow, I officially move into a condo that I bought last week. It’s a lot of stress at once, that’s for sure! Somehow, I am managing to do all this with my lower back tendons, tissue, and nerves, rocking and reeling from my surgery.
When I had my health – when I was running 5K’s daily last year, I gave thanks to the universe for my health. I always knew in the back of my mind that my health could be ripped away from me. Now that it has been, I have fond memories of running, playing basketball, and running around with my kids. For the next long while, I am going to be in recovery mode and I do not know what the end date of that recovery will be. I think for the rest of my life, I will have to manage my back and spine…
I’ve cried a lot this week. As I’ve been moving, I’ve overused my body and caused nerve flare ups in my legs and back. If you’ve never experienced them, they suck. It feels like your leg is being boiled in acid and shocked with electricity.
I don’t say this looking for pity, but to share – share raw and real what is going on with me and how I feel. Moving to this new condo and having a place of my own that I BOUGHT will force me out of my comfort zone even more and the area is in my favorite city in Utah, Draper.
I have to believe that there is a time I will be healthy again, because living my life as a cripple is frustrating :) I will get there, or die trying.