5 Weeks ago I had my spinal fusion surgery. I’m going to be returning to work on Sept. 6th, the day after Labor Day. It’s an intense recovery, but I’m slowly getting better. In fact, I drove 35 minutes to South Jordan, UT today to sign a document for a new place I’m buying in Draper, UT. I have spent much of my time recovering and having time to myself to think and ponder life. Recovering from a spinal fusion surgery is hard, but I have really enjoyed the time away from work. I have enjoyed it so much that I can say that I don’t feel like returning to work :) But I will.
One of the things that has happened while I’m away is the explosive growth of my YouTube channel. I’ve had this channel for 6 1/2 years and my subscriber amount has quadrupled in just the last two months. The reason for this is actually an accident! I did a video a couple years ago in my old basement from the house I used to live in about my perspective on the whole twin flame shenanigans. I made the video private because I didn’t want people knowing that I talked about that kind of thing.
Just over two months ago I decided to hide all my online stuff, including my YouTube videos. I just kind of said, “fuck it” to myself and hid it all. This included making all my YouTube videos private so nobody could see them. A few days later, I came to my senses and realized that no matter how long it takes, I should continue to do what feels right to me and never quit.
I made all my YouTube videos public. I quickly realized there were a few that were REALLY private and should not be public, so I made those private again. But I left this video about twin flames up and people started finding it and commenting and telling me how much it helped them. It seems that women are deeply seeking a male’s perspective on twin flame situations and so my video filled that need. Fascinating.
After a few years now, I’m no longer afraid of talking about the experience and the profound impact it had on me. I’m not afraid of sharing my fears publicly. I’m not afraid of people not accepting me. In fact, I was inspired to make a video about all my vulnerabilities. People are so scared to share what their fears are. Fuck that. I’m going to lay it all out publicly and be completely transparent with it all. It was like a public confession. After I did it, I realized that I was still breathing and nobody was coming to take me away in hand cuffs. More people are appreciating my being vulnerable and being raw and real in my videos. Again, fascinating.
I’m feeling the pull to do more videos about twin flames, being vulnerable, and growing to become better versions of ourselves. I feel pulled to do this. At my day job, I don’t feel the pull, but it is a good job that pays well. The pull to help others though is stronger and I finally feel like I am on my life’s purpose with this YouTube channel of mine and I will continue to make videos. Some day, I can see myself doing seminars in front of people, and writing a book!
I think the biggest thing I’ve learned lately is that in order to change who you are, you have to act in a way that is like what you want to be, even when your emotions within your body are telling you the opposite. Here’s an example: a woman tells me she’s not feeling it or a connection. My normal reaction says, “how can I get her to like me?” My action I take is to say to her, “cool, have a good one,” and then remove her number and move on. Another example is my back. When it hurts, my natural reaction is to worry that my titanium hardware has become fucked up. Instead, I say, “It’s all good, I’ll just rest and it will be fine.” It is how you act that creates who you are – done over and over through repetition.
It’s been a lot of blood and sweat for the last few months – since April, 2016 when my back really started having issues. I feel confident that as I continue to work on myself that great things will be in store and that life will continue to be this grand adventure :) Now, to get some rest from all the driving I did today!