I had an opportunity tonight, to speak my truth with a couple people. I’ve thought about this a lot actually – the situations where I feel subdued, diminished, or less of a man. Some people create that within me and especially, the women that do it, it makes me wonder why. When I feel that way, I feel knotted in my stomach and my speech is turned off. I lose my strength as a man. I don’t like the feeling…
I had a little switch go off in my head tonight regarding it. Certainly, I believe in only having people in my life that are enthusiastic to be in it. That’s important to me. But I also believe that another part of this is me communicating clearly with someone. I shouldn’t just immediately flee the scene if someone starts to treat me in a way that I know is less than what I deserve. My challenge in the past has been pushing back against this. In the past, I’d just delete that person’s phone number and move on.
But I believe there’s a higher response to this. And that is to communicate clearly what I want. Life is partly a negotiation. We only get what we speak and fight for. And tonight, I spoke clearly about what I want and expect with a couple people. I did it from a place of strength – not saying anything rude, but speaking plainly what I see and what I believe I deserve. No matter who is in contact with me, I will speak plainly if I feel I’m not getting what I deserve.
This is a different approach than I’ve taken in the past. In the past, I’ve prided myself on being able to instantly delete someone from my life and move on. But doing that ignores that I may still have interest in that person and simply just deleting them from my phone is akin to ghosting and running away. I’m also very observant of myself in being too needy with a woman, but I realize the basis for that is me acting in a way that is based on someone else and not my own strength or truth. I won’t ever be needy, but I’m going to speak up if needed.
I’ve made a rule tonight that I will communicate clearly when someone isn’t treating me the way I deserve – in person or over the phone, and I will do it in a loving, but firm way. And if they then continue their bad behavior, I will exit myself from their life until they change their treatment of me.
I think the world would be a better place if all of us communicated clearly with each other instead of running away in fear like cowards. Goodness knows, I’ve been like the cowardly lion many times, running away from a woman the instant I feel like her attraction has dropped. Or I’ve allowed a woman to treat me in a way that is less than I deserve without standing up for myself. I made a decision tonight to not do that anymore. I will not allow myself to feel diminished and I will stand up to anyone who is making me feel that way and tell them it’s not OK.
It’s a delicate balance… On the one hand, I don’t like to induce drama into any situation. On the other hand, I will not be a door mat either. As with all things, use your best judgment and follow your gut instinct. I think speaking your truth is saying exactly what it is that you want and accepting nothing less. It’s something I’m not used to doing, but believe will help me take the next leap in my life.
Here’s a little audio podcast I made with me verbalizing this. It felt good to speak it.
:) That feels good.