Steve Pavlina wrote an article about defeating Kolrami. Steve’s description is great and I’m posting it here for your convenience:
In the Star Trek: The Next Generation episode “Peak Performance,” the master strategist Kolrami competes with the android character Data in a game of Strategema. The crew expects Data to win, just as you’d expect a modern chess-playing computer to kick your ass at chess. They confidently advise Data to take the shortest path to victory in order to put a dent in Kolrami’s smugness. However, Kolrami soundly defeats Data without breaking a sweat. Data is stunned by the loss and assumes he must have some kind of programming defect, going so far as to remove himself from active duty until he can figure out what’s wrong with him.
Later in that episode, Captain Picard informs Data that it’s possible to make no mistakes and still lose. This leads Data to challenge his assumptions about the game. He accepts Kolrami’s offer of a rematch, and this time he plays Kolrami to an endless stalemate, leading Kolrami to eventually surrender in disgust. The crew celebrates Data’s victory and asks how he did it.
Data confesses that he couldn’t defeat Kolrami by playing to win because that’s what Kolrami expected him to do. Every advantage-maximizing move that Data attempted was blocked by a superior counter-move from Kolrami. So in the rematch, Data used a different strategy. He bypassed obvious avenues of advancement and played for a draw instead of trying to win. This visibly frustrated Kolrami and allowed Data to theoretically play the game indefinitely, rendering defeat impossible.
I haven’t written on my website here in almost a month. Why? I can’t say for sure, except that I haven’t felt the inspiration to write. Each time I sat down to write my next article, it felt like an utter piece of shit and I deleted it. I don’t like writing articles just for the sake of writing and I deleted a number of new article ideas over the past month. I even paused my work on the series, 30 ways to be a real man and meet a great woman.
What do you do when you’re experiencing a drought through writing or other things in life? What do you do when you really want things, but aren’t getting them? I want to write articles that thousands of people read every day. I want to attract a powerful sorceress woman in my life with ambition, beauty, and a strong desire to see and witness me who wants to know everything about me and work together with me on my flaws, shortcomings, and the adventure of life. So why hasn’t any of this happened yet?
First, I think it’s incredibly challenging with so many blogs and websites to find an audience and grow it. Why? Because I’ve been trying it since 2010 – over 6 years now, and barely get over 100 visitors a day on average, most of which are coming to me for my article on twin flames. And many of those people are just plain bat shit crazy in their situations as they seek guidance. I’m not sure that’s who I want to attract, but for whatever reason, I have… I should mention that there are some very awesome and thoughtful people too that I’ve read comments from and talked to.
Back to the Kolrami
What does the Kolrami from Star Trek have to do with anything here? Well, I am approaching date # 100. Let that sink in for a moment. Almost 100 dates, each with different women. I’ve met some incredible women in those dates, had many flake out, disappear (ghost), or I lose interest. Why after that many dates have I not found that one woman – is it even possible at this point?
Data beat the Kolrami by simply playing to draw and not to win. I’ve tried both playing to draw and playing to win.
The first case is when I play to draw, I back off in my interest toward a woman and only respond when she texts. Those women get pissed off at me for not communicating and eventually disappear.
The second case is when I play to win, I pursue a woman, showing interest and regular communication. That woman invariably stops responding as much until she goes completely silent.
The third case is where a woman pursues me, but I lose interest in her and the spark and energy is gone from the interaction. Most women I talk to fall into this camp – I’d say about 75%. The rest in the first two. There’s a pile of women that would see me in a heart beat, but they aren’t the powerful sorceress/high level woman I’m looking for… Or, I have a flawed mind that rules out women who pursue me.
This paradox I’ve experienced perplexes me a great deal. On the one hand, it’s evidence to me that attraction has an expiration date with a woman. Either I or she will lose interest eventually and I suppose I should be at peace with that. Sometimes it’s a few seconds, minutes, days, weeks, or months. On the other hand, it’s simply a reality of life to me, that dating and relationships where there is great connection don’t come easy at all.
When it comes to women at this point in my life, I feel like part of me is more clueless after 95 dates than it was before date # 1. However, the smarter part of me knows that I have gained an immense amount of knowledge and experience about myself and women. I’ve learned to be at peace with all the ways things can occur and have built up a sixth sense for when I know something is coming to an end – and can safely shut off my feelings and move on. Is this good or bad? I don’t know. But it is how I’ve evolved to this point in my life.
Needless to say, I’m still learning a lot about myself and women, even after 95 dates. Will I need to go on 1,000 dates to really figure this shit out? :) Who is to say. All I know is that I am compelled to keep doing it, testing myself, and learning and growing. Perhaps, one day, I will beat the Kolrami and find that powerful sorceress woman, that one woman who is a cut above the rest and fully wants to adventure with me.
After Date # 50
After date # 50, the quality of women I started meeting started to go up and become more common. If you read my book, 50 dates to be great, you’ll see that on average, I dated women with a score in the ESIP connection of around a 6 or 7 on average – emotional, spiritual, intellectual, physical.
Since date # 50, the average score has been closer to an 8 or 9, with a few 10’s (physically) entering the mix. Those women help me see where the chinks in my armor are. I remember one in particular, date # 80, who was a very successful business woman, incredibly fit and beautiful, intelligent, and could pitch and catch with me. She is one who I dated a couple times, but then she slowly faded and stopped responding to me. She ghosted me.
She taught me a lot about myself. I don’t agree with how she treated me – the ghosting, but I’ve learned the lessons I needed to and haven’t reached out to her asking for an explanation, but just allowed the situation to dissipate and be at peace with it. I’ve called out women in the past on their ghosting, but it never has ended well, they either say sorry and still never respond again, or get pissy about it.
There’s a multitude of websites offering guidance on women, dating, relationships, and pickup. The common theme among them all that I’ve taken away is to have a strong inner confidence and sense of self. Be accepting of who I am and all my flaws. Don’t over-pursue and try to bring as much value to the interaction as I can. Be playful, fun, charming, and take the lead. These are things I continually try to work on as I learn and grow through dating.
Another avenue is work. The company I work for is doing very well. There’s some people at the very top becoming extraordinarily wealthy (10 to 100’s of millions of dollars wealthy) due to the company’s success. When I look at that, I feel like a piece of shit in what I earn. But then, I realize, that I still earn likely in the top 10 to 15% of earner’s in the United States, which is doing really well. It’s best to look at the glass half full here, but I can’t deny that it feels so unbalanced seeing those at the top making so much money. I don’t have an answer for it at this time.
I’m working on a project with my twin brother, a space game. I spent 3 hours on it last night, working on the options screen and learning more about Unity, a game development engine. It felt good to do that work. Part of what is missing from me right now is my ambitious pursuits, to work hard on projects. I’m focusing way too much on dating and women (which is a money and time sink), and less on ambitious projects. That’s going to change. I feel all this talent and potential within me and at least giving it a go gives me a sense of worth and value.
I continue to progress at my day job. I’m helping key projects get done and progress. That’s a good feeling. I feel that in another year or two, I will be a Director. That’s one more level up the corporate ladder to CTO. Will I become CTO some day? It’s possible. I have to stay alive, keep building rapport with people, have a little luck in my projects succeeding in that people don’t quit, get sick, mutiny against me, etc… and continue to learn and grow so I can become the kind of person that can help drive success. We’ll see what the future holds here.
Perhaps the path to CTO is exactly like defeating the Kolrami. It could be to not try and do it, but to just continue to offer value and go above and beyond my duties at work all the time without expectation. To go above and beyond because I can and I know my gifts that I have to offer. Something to think about.
I’ll end this article with thanks. Thanks for the 95 dates I’ve had. Wow – Wow! What a ride. I’ve met some of the most incredible women through that experience and don’t doubt more will continue to come to test me, the adventurer seeking the powerful sorceress. I say to that, let them come and smite me with whatever magic they think they have. I’m pretty fucking resilient at this point :). I have much to learn in Facing Kolrami and not trying so hard to win, but to simply and effortlessly flow through life.
Your quest: Get out there and write, experience life, and share your journey. Perhaps it will touch a soul or two.