178 Pages and Counting

I have a journal that I’ve been writing in and it is 178 pages now. One day, I want to share this journal with someone – the whole thing, every detail. It’s got some of the most personal details of my life. For me to do this, this person would have to be REALLY REALLY special. Like beyond special. Because it holds some things that are downright personal and sacred to me.

I recommend journal writing to anyone. It helps to go back and read past experiences to see where your challenges were and where you’ve improved. My biggest improvement in the last 8 months is being able to love and care for people in such a way that they feel free – and to face rejection and be at peace with it, and to have new people come into my life that are high level connections.

I’m going to share a little excerpt from this journal and it has some raw and personal feelings of mine – some where I didn’t feel good enough. Interestingly enough, today, I’ve grown stronger facing these feelings and don’t feel them anymore :). I most certainly feel good enough to attract any kind of woman, for instance.

This journal entry is me writing about my own thoughts and feelings concerning a woman that I talked to (and some of the women in the past I’ve talked to) and observing my own thoughts in how I view her. I like journaling whatever I’m feeling and then seeing the progress in how I’ve grown stronger beyond that. I won’t use her real name here, of course, but instead “Jane Doe 1” or “Jane Doe 2”. Here is the entry:

6/12/2015

In my adventures, I’ve noticed a pattern. If you’ve ever seen the Lord of the Rings movies, you’ll be familiar with the “Eye of Sauron”. This is a great eye, which watches and sees what is going on, and the eye gets fixated on things. As I’ve gone out on dates, I’ve realized that there is usually one person my own Eye of Sauron starts to get fixated on if I really like the person. There’s been several in the past where this has happened, such as Jane Doe 1, Jane Doe 2, and right now, that eye is fixated on Jane Doe 3.

So I just texted her to get in touch when she is free and then deleted her out of my phone. Whenever I get fixated on one person like this, it’s never healthy, and the best course of action has always been to walk away and never look back – even though I like this person and would love to get to know them more. Part of life is learning to detach and walk away, even from something you’re highly interested in. Maybe I never will be able to attract someone like her, but she is as close to what I’m looking for as I’ve found in 8 months on my own… Well, onward to more things.

I love reading this journal entry of mine because in only 11 days, I’ve made progress and have corrected the negative thinking that occurred here. And all that thinking is inside my head only.

I had a take it or leave it attitude and decided to just walk away. My realization is I am a gift to whoever I talk to. I feel very abundant with this mindset. It’s actually a very abundant feeling overcoming this and what I’ve attracted as a result.

It goes to show for me that writing in my journal often, and expressing exactly what I feel is so very important. Because now, here on June 23, I can see myself on the other side of these negative thoughts. And that I will never view myself as not having the qualities someone wants. Because I know I have them :). And yet, I will be humble and never arrogant about it.

Your quest: Write in a journal. And write about every fear and insecurity you have. Then go out and face those fears and insecurities and watch yourself become stronger!

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