Unseen Scars

scarsIn the TV Show, Arrow, Oliver Queen (pictured here) has quite a number of scars on his front and back. This is due to being tortured and being in many fights after his ship went down at sea and he was stranded on an island and adventured in numerous places over a 5 year period. Whoever is the makeup artist here does a fantastic job of depicting these scars.

As I looked for how a scar forms, here is what I found on WebMD:

The body forms new collagen fibers (a naturally occurring protein in the body) to mend the damage, resulting in a scar. The new scar tissue will have a different texture and quality than the surrounding tissue. Scars form after a wound is completely healed. There are different kinds of scars.

Unseen Wounds

It’s interesting to me to read that the scar forms only after the wound is completely healed. I have a few of my own on my body. For instance, I have one on my back (picture below, at the very bottom) from back surgery in January of 2010. I ruptured a disc in my lowest vertebrae of my spine and I had to be operated on to repair the damage. I also have a scar on my right thumb from a knife slicing me and on my left tricep from having some weird kind of skin tag burned off.

pull_up
Me doing a pull up, July, 2015. Part of my scar can be seen right above my shorts. Click the picture to zoom in.

One of the areas I can do a better job in my life is recognizing the unseen wounds of others and learning to give them space – forever if necessary. For whatever reason, I’ve met a lot of people in the last 9 months that are wounded and it quite possibly could be because I have unseen wounds of my own and I am attracting that into my life.

The unseen wounds people have relate to many things, but here’s some examples:

  • Anxiety due to a traumatic experience (drowning, being humiliated, bullied, etc…).
  • Verbal/Physical abuse as a child.
  • Being rejected many times, either by jobs, romantic interests, or family members.
  • A falling out with someone else where hurtful things were said or done.
  • Anything that causes internal pain.

When you speak to someone next, try to understand that there’s a good chance they have unseen wounds. They are likely feeling pain at some level. Some are able to mask and hide this pain better than others. Some are better able to cope with it. But it’s still there.

Unseen Scars

When a wound heals, a scar forms. When I had back surgery in January of 2010, I had a massive wound on my lower back that had to be covered up with a bandage. That bandage had to be changed every few days. Eventually, my body formed a scar. It had done its healing.

Once an unseen wound has healed, it doesn’t go away. I have scars from my childhood related to some of the above things I mentioned and they are no longer wounds. They are just memories of things now. The memories don’t go away, but it’s still an unseen scar.

An unseen scar related to someone’s life will most definitely influence the way they make decisions. Whenever someone says or does something, you can bet that it is related to some past experience, possibly an unseen scar. That person may have been hurt in the past and they see you as someone who could do that to them again. So they’ll run, back off, or distance them self. Let them.

A large part of what makes us human is these unseen scars. They shape and mold us into who we are. They give us past references to make decisions and protect ourselves from future wounds. The next time you see someone, just give them a hug and a smile. This will go a long way to uplifting them and helping with any unseen wounds or scars.

The Healing Process

The healing process for me has been two-fold. First, I recognize my own need to heal and what exactly from. I admit honestly where I need to heal from. I journal about this personally. Then I go to work on myself. That work on myself consists of the following:

  • Reading and learning, particularly in personal development.
  • Getting in great physical condition through exercise and sports.
  • Eating healthy and energetic foods.
  • Taking on new hobbies.
  • Watching things that make me laugh.
  • Journaling – a lot. Journaling has been the number one way I work on myself as I¬†chronicle every unique experience. In particular, I talk about each and every date I’ve been on and there have been some people that have made a huge difference in my life. I journal and write about every fear and insecurity I have and this helps me learn more about myself.

In the making me laugh department, I love videos of people who go out there and do crazy things. Their courage, combined with the outrageousness makes me laugh and this is medicine. Anyone who does social experiments, and does it with style, make me laugh :).

Your quest: Tell someone you are sorry. Give someone a hug. Share you strength with someone else as a gift. Remember, everyone has unseen wounds and scars. Do your part to help heal.

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