Day 1 Getting Out of Rock Bottom (Feeling Sick)

This is day 1 of getting out of rock bottom for me. As I mentioned yesterday, I hit rock bottom for several reasons. It’s mostly due to the pain I’ve caused other people and getting disconnected from one who I care a great deal about. As part of this journey of getting out of the bottom, this is going to be the last day I write about the reasons for my rock bottom, but instead, I will focus on what I am doing to get out of it. If you’re feeling like you hit rock bottom, chances are, you can only think about yourself and the pain you are in.

It’s 6:55 AM right now. I went to bed at 10:30 PM last night and woke up at 1:30 AM, 3:30 AM, and 4:30 AM, and finally 6:00 AM (when I got out of bed) each time with a dry mouth and pounding heart. I have a water bottle next to my bed that I have to guzzle from each time I get up during the night because my mouth is so dry. Since I’ve been up at 6:00 AM, I’ve done the following:

Cleaned Up House a Little

One thing I did was to just walk around the house and pick up and clean things where they were lying around. The kitchen and the family room had a few toys and other things scattered around so I just picked them up and put them back in their place – or a place I think they should go. Maybe when I get home from work, they’ll be somewhere else :).

Meditated

I took a knee and bent over my couch and closed my eyes. I tried thinking of things I was grateful for and the wonderful thing that life was. But mostly, I wallowed in my own pain and self pity. I thought about how I am really a compulsive person who makes rash decisions without thinking first. While meditating and trying to focus, it was like trying to wrestle a mad bull from bucking everyone in sight. But I still spent 10 minutes focusing on gratitude, love, and appreciation for everyone in my life, no matter who they are or where they’ve gone. I feel like I failed miserably at my first attempt with meditation, but it’s only day one.

Worked Out

I stretched, did weights (arm curls), did pull ups, did push ups, and did abdominal exercises. I pushed myself until I felt fatigued. Then I drank some water and came down to the basement to write this article.

Reading

I read an article online about what to do if you get fired from your job and why having a job limits you. Hmm, I thought. If you can generate enough ideas and interest from others, you’ll be able to self sustain yourself through your own business. That was my reading for the morning.

Writing

That’s what I’m doing right now. I feel sick in my stomach, but that hasn’t stopped me from being able to write, so that is good. I’m focusing on the full ESIP within myself this morning – emotional, spiritual, intellectual (mental), and physical. So far, I’ve taken care of physical, intellectual, and spiritual. After I write this article, I’m going to focus on the people who are positive in my life.

Ideas

As I try to come up with a list of ideas today, the list is small. But still, here they are:

  • Help clean the whole house when I get home.
  • Tell everyone on my team at work they are doing a good job and why.
  • Don’t make any compulsive decisions today. Think before I act.
  • Work extra hard to focus on people around me, even though I’m sick to my stomach in pain.

Results after day 1

So far, I feel like I’m no better off today than yesterday. I feel terrible about things I’ve done and the missing of someone. I’m going to focus my attention toward my family, business ideas, and taking care of my health even with these intense feelings of longing for home that I have.

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