Today, I’d like to write about what makes a real man. I confess to falling short in many of these areas at different times in my life. But through everything, I’ve realized what makes a real man, often by doing things that are the opposite of it. Perhaps in a few years by the time I am 40, I will master the principles here of what makes a man a real man.
A real man takes charge of situations in his life. He does not wait around for someone else to tell him what to do. He knows what he wants and goes for it. He is a leader among people – he inspires others to be better and more than they otherwise could be by themselves.
A real man is like a general leading an army. He is inspiring and provides leadership and direction toward better things. A real man takes charge and leads and directs. He’s willing to listen to the input of others, but ultimately, he makes a firm decision and lives with the consequences.
A real man takes charge with his woman in life direction and in the bedroom. The man does not sit back and ask what should we do now. A real man says, “This is what we are going to do, come along for the ride.” A real man can also be gentle and caring when he senses the need to be so as well.
A real man knows how to also work as a team and use the input of his team to help make more wise decisions. A real man knows that true wisdom comes from real, democratic debate to come to knowledge that he could otherwise not do on his own.
A real man is a creator of things. He spends his time in creative pursuits and hobbies that enrich his life. A real man knows how to create something that is worthwhile to himself and others around him. He tirelessly pursues his goals and ambitions while at the same time, knowing when to take a break.
A real man is not content to simply be someone’s lackey in life. He continuously pursues his own projects and ideas knowing that fulfillment and growth come much more from your own attempts at creating and building something rather than simply following the instructions of those around you all the time.
A real man can create with his own two hands his dreams and ambitions through construction or through the talent of software engineering or through whatever his special craft/skill is. He uses his skill to conjure things into existence through his own sweat. In this way, a real man is like a wizard – able to take nothing and turn it into something.
Strong Mind, Strong Body
A real man focuses on improving his intelligence, knowledge, and wisdom. He is studious in his understanding of life and is never content with the level of knowledge he has about any one subject. A real man is sort of like a renaissance man – focusing on many subjects to have a great grasp of life and reality.
A real man focuses on improving his physical body. He exercises and eats foods that bring energy and vibrancy to his life. He is not content to simply be in life, but seeks to hone his body and physical energy as best as can be done for his situation. He loves the energy and confidence a healthy and strong body give him.
A real man uses both the mind and body in his life situations to create favorable situations. He speaks with confidence and happiness to those around him and uses this energy for good. He inspires others with his intellect, physical form, and charisma.
Ability to Retrospect from Within
A real man knows when he has fucked up. On my quest to be a real man, I know I’ve royally screwed up some things in my life. And I still make mistakes to this day. But I’m very adept at knowing exactly what I’ve screwed up and can make another attempt each day at remedying my mistakes.
A real man uses retrospectives to understand where he is going wrong in his life and creating unfavorable situations. A real man is able to admit defeat in situations. When a situation is lost, the real man does not deal in delusion and gracefully loses. A real man is able to admit to himself when others are no longer interested in his company, friendship, or companionship and gives thanks for the time and experience of what happened.
A real man is thankful for all life experiences. A real man does not take deep and soulful connection for granted. A real man uses retrospective thinking from within to understand reality as close to exactly as it is as possible. The real man knows he is not always right and misses some things. But he also has confidence in his ability to retrospect that he can pick up most things and be right about them.
Learn to say I’m Sorry
A real man knows when he has fucked things up in life to tell those he has affected sorry. He doesn’t keep saying sorry over and over, but says it enough to get the point across. He then works tirelessly to correct the errors of his ways.
A real man isn’t afraid to say he’s sorry. But he must learn to not say it over and over while committing the same mistakes. The real man says he is sorry and then actually is able to take the steps to show that he means it. In my quest to be a real man, I continue to work to say I’m sorry and mean it through my actions afterwards.
Learn to Give Space
A real man knows when to back off from a woman. He knows when to be mysterious and give her space. He knows when to communicate and when to back off and leave her alone. A real man knows that others are conscious human beings and many do not respond well to neediness and insecurity.
As such, a real man is very functional from within and can go great lengths of time without communication from others in order to give them time to think about their own lives and wonder about him. A real man is completely content and centered alone, but can have an enhanced life through another being in it.
A real man is not needy or insecure. He does not text or email over and over to his friends or lover. If he does this, he retrospects and admits the errors of his ways and commits to not doing it again. A real man uses text, phone, and email to setup face time with those he cares about if possible. Above all, a real man recognizes consciousness in others and that he is not the center of the universe – they are.
Keep With Commitments
A man does not shrink from his commitments – especially when that commitment is not a bad situation. Certainly, a real man can break out of a commitment where there is physical or verbal abuse, or the situation just is not working out. But in a good situation, a real man does not simply abandon the commitment.
It is with great care that I recognize this and I had an apartment all ready for me to move in to get out away from my wife and kids on my own. When I realized what a dumb ass I was being by deciding this, I put up my rent contract for someone else to take over. It’s going to cost some extra cash for this decision. But it’s the right thing to do.
I realize my commitment to my wife and kids is a situation that is not bad at all. It is a good situation. And for me to go off and leave them says more about me as less of a man than it does about anything else. I’ve therefore decided to not move out and do the best I can as a husband and father… It doesn’t mean it will be easy, but it is a choice. And this is one where making the best choice matters. I’ll leave this call to make to Heidi for the future together.
A real man in a committed relationship with another where the situation is good does not care if the goddess Aphrodite herself comes down from the heavens expressing her undying love to him. If he is committed to another, he sees that relationship through to a natural conclusion rather than cutting ties early and in an unnatural way. An unnatural way is splitting because of someone else – and that’s not the right way to do it. A natural way is a mutual agreement based on each person alone.
The real man takes the good and the bad in his situation of commitment and forgoes the things he would get by being alone so that he can make the committed unit function at a higher and more loving level. And so, this is what I will do, knowing that it will not be perfect and I still miss dearly what I miss… In life, you can’t always get what you want and it takes a real man to surrender to this and move forward as best he can.
I’m adding one more thing here – the real man is not all knowing and all powerful. He learns to let time be the great revealer of the truth. He learns to adapt and adjust as time passes to understand truly what is important to him. He does not let fear get in the way of going after what he truly wants, even if he fails in the attempt to get it.
- What Sets You Apart
- What Creates Attraction?
- Courage is Sexy
- Unleash Your Fire Through Motion
- Doing What I Can, Doing the Best I Can