I had a conversation with a woman recently and we both find each other attractive and interesting. However, we don’t share the same beliefs about religion. I have no label for religion, whereas it is the foundation for her very existence and happiness. My happiness comes because I am and get to experience life. Hers comes from her religion – an external source of meaning. She texted me a lot about this, trying to get me to see how we cannot achieve our full potential and happiness without God. I simply responded that I’m happy to know her and that my happiness is quite full without a dependence on anything else – though I believe in a force in the universe of some kind and spiritually, the path of personal growth resonates with me. She and I will probably not talk again and this is ok.
Meaning Creates Expectations
When you attach meaning to something – or someone, this forms expectations in your mind about that thing or that someone. For instance, you might think of someone as a close friend and have an expectation that they will always talk to you should you contact them with a problem you are having. If that friend of yours decides to ignore you or not respond to you, you’ll feel pain at not having them be there for you. Your meaning for that person as a friend who you can rely on creates pain when they don’t respond to you.
Friends are a wonderful thing – people you can talk to and share conversation and experiences with. I’ve learned, however, that attaching that label to people and expecting them to be in your life whenever you want is unhealthy. People are going through life on their own and must be allowed to do so. The meaning of a good friend as someone who must always be there for you is unhealthy as it attaches you to that person and their decisions. Remember, be detached to be at peace.
Meaning Creates Guilt
I remember growing up in the Mormon (LDS) church. There are values from it that I learned that I hold dear, however, one thing that was not healthy was the strict meaning for life that I had drilled into me. That every time I had a thought of sex or did something “inappropriate” or immoral meant that I had sinned and needed to confess and repent caused me to believe that I was a less than worthwhile person.
The guilt that I built up and the sheer amount of time I would “repent” over and over created a dissonance within me that everything I was doing was wrong and that I was never good enough. Slowly, over time, I have removed this meaning from my life and kept the good principles I learned from it. I no longer feel guilty when I have a sexual thought or encounter with another woman, or I make a mistake. I’m still undoing this programming from my mind too. It is not completely done. I am human, a free spirit, and love life. I don’t need there to be a meaning to life that I need to strive for perfection and “repent” of every little thing that doesn’t fall in line. My full potential is achieved by striving each day to live life to its fullest, learn, grow, and become the next strongest version of myself.
How To Erase Meaning
To erase meaning from life is pretty simple, actually. Just watch a small child. My two daughters (8 and 5) are great examples of this. I love watching them play and interact. Especially the 5 year old. She’s mostly detached from meaning in life, though she is old enough now to have had enough exposure to create meaning in her mind. She’s a free spirit who plays, has fun, is loving without expectation, and is as happy a person as I’ve seen.
To remove meaning, simply detach yourself from any and all attachments. This includes people, belief systems, and whatever else you identify with. Some might argue that it is these things that create our identity, but I disagree. Our identity as people is who we are and how we recognize ourselves and our environment around us. Everything else is simply a label – whether it be an organization, religion, music band, etc…
Just be and accept and embrace any and all outcomes. That woman doesn’t call you back or she does – embrace it. You got that job or you didn’t – embrace it. That person was nice or mean – embrace it. Your stock went up in price or down – embrace it. It’s cold or warm outside – embrace it. Maybe atheism, christianity, or the muslim faith are true or all wrong – embrace it. In the end, your own peace and happiness comes from an acceptance of yourself and your life path that you’re on and that’s really all that matters.
You’ll know you have erased meaning when you can be in any situation and be happy. You might be stuck in traffic – you’ll be happy. You might be at a doctor’s appointment – you’ll be happy. You could have just lost your job – you’ll be happy and look for another one – or maybe you’ll just decide not to work again.
I can feel when I’m letting meaning creep back in and uncenter me. This is particularly true if I’ve encountered a very beautiful and feminine woman where we click and have a great time together. I remind myself that we are two people on our own paths in life. I remind myself that even though I may like this particular woman that there are a variety of ways it could work out. You can care about someone and want to be with them, but you must also be detached and love in such a way that they are free to never contact you again as well. This is a powerful place to be.
Erase Your Meaning Board
Erase the white board that is the meaning you give life. Just be. You can still feel a high level of passion and excitement for life and be this way. Because every experience is something you’ll be present for and your detachment from the outcome will be a draw for those around you. This has been my experience as I’ve continued to be around higher quality people in my life.
Your call – find the meanings in your life related to people, religion, politics, government, philosophy, and any other belief system and erase it and see what is left. Then, you will truly be present with each moment and accepting of everyone and everything.
- What Creates Attraction?
- How Not To Influence Someone
- The Illusion of the Twin Flame
- Be Detached To Be At Peace
- We Are All Onions