This is a retrospective of the last 4 months for me. After periods of time, do one of these for yourself. Chances are, you have something inside you that you’ve been wanting or needing to do. I know I have!
To sum it up, it is the leap of faith, like this
Everything else is just a side dish to what this video represents to me. At 36, I am facing the leap of faith of a life time for me and it’s scary. But scary doesn’t mean impossible. But it has meant that the scariness has taken a while to overcome! I’m sure in your life there are some scary things you’ve almost done, but backed away from at the last minute because it’s so terrifying. I know how you feel! But eventually, if you keep focusing on your end goal, you’ll get the courage to do it. Now, here are some other insights.
I’ve been weak and needy, hot and cold, and not clear
As I look back, I can see very clearly where I’ve faltered and how inconsistent, insecure, and unstable I’ve been. I don’t like to focus on this, but it’s important to recognize this for what it is and it’s a humbling thing to recognize… To put it simply, I’ve lacked a spine – the fortitude to make firm decisions and not oscillate. Once you know something that you want, it doesn’t make much sense to go back and forth. You should give time the respect it deserves, and then once you feel firm about something, state it, and do it.
What I will do better
I’ll never again oscillate like this. I’ll take the necessary time to think first. I’ll never say I’m doing something or am about to do something until I feel that the decision is right and everything is in motion. I will respect other people and what they say the first time – I won’t be disrespectful of others and even if I feel hurt or devastated, I won’t let those feelings cause me to act weak and needy again. The measure of success for this is now making a firm decision, no matter how hard, and facing the consequences and difficult time associated with it.
I’ve had a lack of integrity
Integrity is an interesting word. It means to have strong moral principles – to have a respect for others lives and situations and to not do anything to compromise that. I thought I had integrity, but the way I’ve acted this year has shown me that my integrity wasn’t quite as strong as I thought. When I think about how much I’ve oscillated and how much pain I’ve put some people through, it tells me that my integrity is weak and I haven’t been able to make the firm decisions to keep that integrity intact.
What I will do better
I will state clearly my values. I will respect other people and never act in a way that compromises their life or their desires. I won’t ever say something unless I truly mean it and plan to act on it. I’ll live in such a way that I don’t get involved in situations where someone else’s well being would be compromised or I am not being completely honest and open with those who are close to me. I recognize that words are just words. Actions and choices really show how it is going.
I’ve been selfish
This summer has been a wake up call. I’m way too focused on me, me, me. The way I’ve behaved the last several months has been like pouring salt in the wound of another, yet I am the only one who can make the change in my situation to close the wound. I can do something about this…
What I will do better
I will listen and continue to honor what people say. To hold back and listen, even when the instinct is strong to do the opposite. But that won’t stop me from moving forward with my mission, vision, and passion in life and using mine and others talents where possible to make this happen. To back off and reject your own instinct is love and respect in its highest form…
I have some difficult times ahead
I know what I have to do – first, for myself. The real man lives in such a way that he goes for what he truly desires in his life – and it means I’m going to have some difficult times ahead. That’s always been the toughest part – is to make the most difficult decision of my life knowing all the things involved. If you read “the things under people’s hoods” you’ll understand why the decision is really hard. There’s so much involved, but in the end, I have to do it and face the difficult times ahead.
The biggest lesson is to make a decision for yourself first and not because of anyone else. A big decision should be done that way. I wrote about how strong I was feeling a few days ago. I think that strength is going to be truly tested now over the next long while.
Let’s do my first test of my integrity and honor. I’m not going to write again until I’ve completely resolved what I need to and then and only then will I write again. This is my first test to see if I will keep my word. It means you won’t hear from me for at least a few weeks, possibly more. Go visit my ARCHIVES and start reading what I’ve written in the past, there’s hundreds of articles to read!
- Moving Out On My Own
- Get Strong First
- What Sets You Apart
- Trusting the Gut
- Knowing the Good of Who You Are