The Choice Is Done

the_choiceI mentioned that I wouldn’t write again until I’d figured things out in my own situation. This has been done. Let me briefly explain what is going on and then move on to some thoughts of mine.

My wife of 14 years and I are getting a divorce – which will be legal and final at the beginning of next year. It’s an amicable agreed upon thing that I’ve realized is the direction to go since the beginning of this year, but did not have the strength to follow through with the decision – I oscillated. It’s not something I take lightly. I have two little girls and a lot to take care of. My wife is an awesome woman, but my gut and the universe are making it very clear that our time as a married couple has come to an end.

If you’ve followed my work for the last many years now, you’ll know I’ve written very fondly of her and our two girls. She and I have great communication and repoire with each other. There’s no better way to do this than to remain friends with your spouse, in my opinion. I do hate¬†being the one that is initiating this… But when it is the right thing to do, you make the hard choice. It gives me a greater respect for anyone who has had to be the one to make a choice like this.

This means I’ll be taking great care of her and my two girls financially such that they are more than taken care of. It means I’ll have to learn to live on my own and trail blaze a new path almost starting from scratch. It means I have some legal responsibility to bear for a while. This is a big deal, the right decision, and I am having a special drawing and painting done to represent this that is coming soon – a wizard out at sea with a force field being battered by a storm.

The hard decision is often best. I wrote about this earlier in the year on March 10th. It definitely applies now. My wife and I have a good relationship but between us, there are some deep differences value-wise and the potential each of us have with a partner in our life. It’s never easy to leave a situation that is already good – why rock the boat? The answer is we only get one life. That life should be used to go for it – 100% with no regrets. I wrote about how the real man makes a choice to do this naturally and that is now the case in our situation. Life is short, no matter your age.

I had a conversation with someone last year about living life with no regrets because you never know when your time is up in life. It went something like this (we were talking about our cat Everett who died in early 2013):

Me:

Yes, he was a great cat! Very talkative and friendly. I was thinking about how sudden the severing is when death occurs and not having regrets in life because you just never know.

Them:

I agree!  I think they best way not to have regrets is just to live the best life you can and spend as much time with everyone you love. :)

Important words – to live with no regrets – to live the best life you can and to spend time with those you love. My wife and I have a chance now to make that happen and we’ll still get to spend time with our kids – two people we love very much.

I’ve felt and experienced quite a bit this year… I’ve cried more this year than my entire life combined – even when I was a little baby, I’m sure. But I’m going to continue on – and build and create my life’s work and mission – to open people up and share my insights and learning with the world. I’m going to continue to write now and share my deepest feelings, thoughts, and experiences – even if they are hellish experiences. I don’t see many people write from their heart. Most people try and hide and keep their life private. Forget that – the world needs to see the things underneath the hood – from my point of view – keeping private other people in order to respect them.

This is where things are going. You will not hear me say otherwise – the choice is done. This is Heidi – I am extremely thankful for the last nearly 14 years we’ve been able to spend together and continuing to be partners to our children and being friends with her. Many have told me I won’t find someone else like her. That’s not the point. The point is to move forward and do what is right for both of us to be the most happy and fulfilled we can possibly be.

heidi_sep_2014

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