One of the great learning experiences I’ve picked up since I’ve been out on my own is the MINIMUM STANDARD required for someone to be in my life. And by in my life, I mean a really good friend, lover, business associate – someone I will be close to in some fashion.
It’s new and I think it comes with having raised my level of awareness and standard as I’ve met a truck load of people and had a plethora of experiences over the last 5 months now. Because I am busy, have a lot going on, and I highly value my life experience, knowledge, and what I have to offer people, I’ve come to realize that for anyone to enter in my life, they must:
- Have a high level of enthusiasm to see me.
- Be curious and interested in my life.
- Be a very clear communicator.
- Be able to set definite and specific plans to get together effortlessly.
This is the minimum standard for someone to get in. When you value and love yourself, if someone isn’t treating you like you are awesome, spectacular, and fun to be around, that person gets the gift of missing you. This goes for friends, lovers, co-workers, business partners, whoever it may be. If you truly value yourself, this is the minimum it will take for someone to get the gift of your time.
Now, beyond this minimum standard, I hope you have a list of your MUST and NICE TO HAVE for those who will potentially be very close or intimate with you. Beyond the minimum, I have a journal where I’ve specifically listed 10 things that are an absolute must for anyone to get close to me intimately. It’s a high standard and I’ll either find it or die alone and am quite content with those terms.
Because some of you have asked me for further detail on this, let me offer some guidelines. These are not the end all be all, but a good rough outline to follow if you’re not sure. Again, just use your own feeling and judgment. It’s not too difficult to see if someone is in or out of your life.
If you’re unsure if someone meets this minimum standard, just get in touch with them and ask if they’d like to get together sometime. This works for any type of relationship (friend, lover, business associate, pen pal, etc…). One of these things will happen. They will say:
- They won’t respond (wait a few weeks at least). My goodness, They’re REALLY out.
- Let me get back to you (or some variation or excuse) and not get back to you. They’re out.
- They will accept a day/time, but not show up and not give a reason why. They’re out.
- They will accept a day/time, but say they can’t make it and NOT offer any kind of alternative. They’re out.
- They will say a day and time that works some time in the future and show up on that day/time. They’re in.
- If for some reason they can’t show up, they will offer an alternative time or try to work with you to talk another time. They’re in.
This works for phone calls, Skype, anything, you don’t necessarily need to talk in person. Always gauge for yourself the behavior of someone. Just because someone is in, doesn’t mean they get to stay. If at any time they don’t meet the minimum standard or take you for granted or treat you like a second class citizen, stop communication with them and they are out until they meet the standard again. And this may be never – and your attitude should be, “so be it”. This will serve you well.
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