One of the fascinating things I’ve just done is gone back in time and read from my archives. If you’re interested in what I’ve had to say in the past, look at the archives link and browse some of my earlier entries. I’ve been writing for over 4 years now and I’ve been writing and doing much more this year. It’s very apparent that in early August, 2012, that I was starting a ‘cocoon’ phase in my life where some big shifts and changes were ahead.
On August 12, 2012, I wrote a post called “Why Am I Trying?” This is a really important time in my life. It’s easy to think about what we are doing in life, but to ask why is a question at a whole ‘nother level. I likened my WHY to that of Kevin Durant’s – an NBA basketball player. At the time I wrote that article, I had no idea what my why was, but that why would come later in my life.
On August 22, 2012, I wrote a post called “Inspired By Meeting Someone New.” In this post, I talk about how I met an intern at work who has been a programmer since she was 12 years old and was 18 at the time. I was impressed with all the neat stuff she’d done in her life and how it fueled me to do more in my life. What I realized is that I was not doing nearly enough in my life and the fire was lit inside me to get busy with my side projects and being a manager at work.
I remember September and October of 2013 very clearly in my mind. I only wrote 3 articles during those two months, one of which is the philosophy of Lord Eglathia. He’s a main character in my book Eglathia that I wrote. He’s a traveler who helps overseer worlds. During this time in my life, I felt the pull inside me that there was something more for me to do – something more for me to make happen in my life and that something big was coming up. I didn’t know quite what it was at the time. I spent a lot of time in deep thought and reflection during these months.
All I can say is… Wow. And several more wow’s after that. This year has been by far the most growth-oriented year of my entire life, hands-down. In not even 5 months, I’ve grown and experienced more than even my two-year mission to Ireland, more than my back surgery and kidney stone, more than anything. I’ve learned to handle my deepest and most intense emotions in my life, learned to share exactly what I believe, learned to sing, write poems, express myself. I’ve felt myself feel love and loss on two extremes in ways I never thought possible. I’ve learned to let go of attachment and outcomes, and importantly, I’ve discovered my WHY. What is my purpose here on earth? I’ve discovered it this year.
Looking back, it was the asking of the question, “Why Am I Trying?” that sparked all of this. The universe has an interesting way of answering the call to it. I will always respond that the universe over-delivered. It’s set me on a path now that I will be on for as long as I exist. I know my WHY now. I’ll share a part of it. It is to be a leader and healer of people’s confusion and pain. When you’ve felt pain at the level I have this year, you become qualified to help others through theirs. What I’ve seen is that there are many people crying out for someone to listen and understand them, particularly online, but nobody is answering their call.
I believe people should not be left out in the dark. As people, we can help each other out and not give up on them. Part of my WHY is doing this. I won’t go into the other details of the WHY – that’s personal to me for the moment. Suffice it to say, my WHY transcends societal beliefs and social structures. It just is this feeling of what I can do in my life to make a difference and there is no stopping it. I have the faith and belief that I will be able to look back in another couple years and connect the dots backwards some more as things begin to make more sense.
Best wishes to you reading this. Click a few of the links in this article. It really is amazing to look at the evolution of things here on my little writing pad.
- The Vulnerability of My Writing
- How to Win With Yourself
- You Can Try Your Best and Still Lose
- Sleeping On My Last Post
- Compelled to Write