The Evolution

One of the things I’ve noticed in the last few months is the evolution in myself and that of other people. One thing I’ve had to accept is that I’ve changed a great deal in the last 6 years, and quite a bit even in the last 6 months. This evolution is both scary and fascinating to watch. I think we as people evolve over time as we experience things and our brains process and try to decide what they mean. At our core, we have desires and wants, but even for me, those evolve and change over time. This makes life very unpredictable and uncertain, nevertheless, I believe it’s important to understand.

When I was but a wee lad of 21 years of age, my needs were as follows: Play computer games, play basketball, eat pizza, trudge through college, and find someone to marry in an LDS temple. Fascinatingly enough, I was successful in accomplishing all of these. Little did I know that as time went on, I would evolve into a different person. And this evolution has an impact on everyone I know from my immediate family to those around me. Some have been pushed away by it, others concerned for me, and others accepting and even inviting of it.

The hard part of the evolution is that people are affected by it in different ways. For example, some evolve very little in their life and as such, are fairly similar to the way they were 5, 10, or even 20 years ago. These types of people make very good life partners with others who are of the same type where both stay the same. Because both are not likely to diverge from who they are, chances are, they will have the same wants, needs, and desires later on in life.

But what happens when the evolution occurs in one person and not the other? What do you do if you are in a relationship or married and you realize you’ve changed drastically from when you first started? What if your situation is no longer conducive to what you really believe? What do you do? I’ll try and share what I think has worked and what hasn’t worked.

Do not keep your feelings and changes in you bottled up. One of the mistakes I’ve made is that for a good 8 or 9 years, I kept everything bottled up – any change in feeling I had or anything I did, I kept to myself. I was simply too afraid of what my wife, family, coworkers, or anyone might think if they found out about the changes that occurred in me.

What I’ve realized is that the opposite is true – being completely open and honest with myself and those close to me is so much better and less taxing on my own internal system. The only downside is that I’ve waited a really long time to share my evolution and it was kind of like a tazer shock to those close to me. In the future, I’m going to be much quicker to reveal any changes I feel in myself.

To me, it’s much better to feel scorn from others than face internal turmoil. Those who accept you for who you are and what you believe will remain in your life if they truly care about you and aren’t just trying to get you to change to what they think you should be.

I think all of us are evolving at different paces. When I look at people now, I know there is continued growth and evolving going on at some level. I try and determine what the rate of occurrence is in people when I talk to them because I’m quite fascinated now by people who are on a path of growth and learning and can empathize with that situation.

To sum it all up, we as people continue to evolve and this means we change our beliefs, ideas, and attitudes. I believe it’s crucial to communicate these changes with those closest to us in order to lessen the shock over time to our own internal bodies and to the people who care about us.

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