I was running my usual route along the canal path where I work on a nice warm sunny day. Sometimes I run toward the end of the work day, but usually at lunch time. However, today was one instance where I felt I should run toward the end of the work day. I ran a ways and then came back, and as I did so, I saw a young woman sitting along the edge of the path. I ran by and told her she seemed to be deep in thought.
After I ran by her, I felt a deep sense of pain and loss coming from her. I stop after a few seconds to stretch out and debated with myself if I should go talk to her about the pain she was feeling. In the end, courage won through and I retraced my steps back to where she was. I said to her, “It looks like you need somebody to talk to.”
She replied that she really could use someone to talk to and as I saw her tears, I knew she was having difficulty in a relationship. I told her (without too much detail) about some of my own challenges I’ve had to go through and some of the pain I’ve felt. In that regard, I was thankful I could tell her that she is not going through this kind of thing alone. There are varying intensities of connections with people and if you simply search online, you’ll find many people in a tremendous amount of pain.
I shared with her who I was, I’m a 36 year old guy and I’ve got my own issues I’ve had to battle through. I’m still not out of the woods yet with them, but I’ve made a heck of a lot of progress. In the end, there is a tremendous amount of strength to be gained from pain if you use it as a muscle is used when you work out. Use the pain to channel yourself to creativity, confidence and the things you like to do. As I sat and talked with Chelsea, I told her the best thing she can do is go for a period of no contact to work on herself, which will also make her boyfriend curious why she hasn’t been in touch.
In the end, I think in any relationship difficulty, a period of no contact is very healthy for getting centered. After a period and when you feel confident with yourself, it’s OK to reach out to someone you have not been in touch with. And the reason it becomes OK at this stage is because you are now confident with yourself and have no expectation.
There’s many people in the world in a lot of pain. Most just need someone to talk to and help guide them. Since their significant other/partner or person they are in pain over is not reaching out to them, they end up facing this trial alone. It’s really not fair if you ask me – that someone has to be the person who is left by another, but it is the way of things in life. All things happen for a reason and the person who is left alone will become much stronger for it. I realized my WHY again today. It is to help and heal people who are going through pain in life, particularly in their relationships with others.
Chelsea, it’s going to be OK. Use this period of pain to discover yourself and the things in life that are enjoyable to you independent of anyone else. You and you alone have the power. Best of luck to you through the pain. You will get through it and it will be brighter on the other side regardless if your boyfriend sees it or not.
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