One of the things I’ve thought about this summer is what makes certain people stand out? And I don’t mean just physically. Physical attraction is all in the eye of the beholder. What are the personality traits that an attractive person exudes? Do they have some special genes that make them attractive? Here’s my top 5…
1. Be Care and Pressure Free
One of the lessons I’ve learned this year is that once upon a time, I was care and pressure free. I lived my life as a free spirit, exploring new subjects and talking with new and interesting people. Somewhere along the line this year, I put some real unnecessary pressure on myself and others that just wasn’t right. There was a Jeremy I know who loved to just sit, talk, and laugh. He’s coming back and he’s taking no prisoners :)
If you find yourself putting pressure on yourself – pressure to do well in school, pressure to do well at work, pressure to be a certain way for other people, chances are, you are trying too hard. But of course, if you want to do that, you are free to do it. After all, I am but a simple carefree spirit sending out words, text, and videos across the Internet and you are free to do as you please :).
Of course you want to try hard in life – try hard with yourself to be an amazing person, gain knowledge, learn new skills, help others in need, those things are great!
2. Be Confident With Self
Ah yes, to be completely confident with ones self. I think confidence comes more naturally when you are living pressure free. It’s really quite interesting when you are truly and genuinely interacting without an expectation from another. This, to me, is the true definition of confidence. It says that I enjoy talking to you, but at any moment if you want to leave, that’s ok, because it was great talking to you. Confidence values people, especially close friends and connections, but it does not pressure them.
Confidence can also come from how you are programming your mind and feeding your body. I know that for myself, if I’ve let myself slip with exercise and healthy eating, I feel a bit more crappy than I otherwise would. If I’ve been feeding myself negative thoughts constantly about how my life is ruined, how the economy is going to collapse, and how we’re all just going to grow old and die some day, that doesn’t create a nice boost for confidence.
In short, to be confident with yourself, exercise, eat well, live pressure free, interact with others without expectation, and simply be a happy participant of this thing we call life. You can certainly have expectations for others in the right circumstances – such as an agreed upon marriage or working environment where there are responsibilities – certainly those should be recognized, but should be done without unjust or undue pressure.
3. Be Enthusiastic
Enthusiasm is contagious. Someone selling tooth brushes could convince me to buy a dozen of them if they had enough enthusiasm. Enthusiasm is a vibrancy and energy about anything. When I’m in the presence of someone who speaks enthusiastically, it makes a world of difference.
Imagine you are going to college and you have a professor who sits and reads from the text-book like a robot. Not very inspiring is it? Now imagine a professor who leaps into the classroom and tells you how awesome American history is because history helps us connect the dots backwards in order to understand where we are headed in the future and what kinds of things we might be able to expect. And he/she does this with a smile on their face and a passion.
4. Be Self Driven and Motivated
There’s nothing quite so powerful as a person who is driven from within. Driven to be the best they can be as a friend. Driven to be the best they can be in their career. Driven to live life to its fullest regardless of what is going on around them. To be an attractive person, be driven and motivated about your life.
If I were to sit down with you and interview you right now, how exciting would your story be? Would you have grand tales to tell of your struggles and triumphs? Would you be able to tell me of some grand work you are doing? Or would you simply tell me how you watched TV all day without much thought for anything else?
To be attractive, have some interesting stories to tell about your life and some of the things you’ve gone through. Chances are, if you are self driven and motivated, you’ve encountered some difficulties – those are INTERESTING TO TALK ABOUT!
5. Be Open and Honest
The last and most important attractive quality. I admit that sometimes I fall short here. However, this year I have made some great (but not perfect) strides. I’ve been more transparent here on my website about what is going on in my life. I plan to keep doing that. I won’t share everything though. Sometimes names, places, and personal things belong in a journal and nowhere else.
I’ve made strides in being honest in my marriage with Heidi. This has been such a breakthrough this year for me. Those who have followed my website and know us personally would probably be SHOCKED to know that we are seriously considering splitting up. You might think we’ve had a falling out or something. And you would be wrong :) Heidi and I maintain a direct line of constant communication to this day. Splitting up is not something either of us takes lightly and as such, we continue to give it the time it needs to happen naturally and we know we retain a great friendship together and partners with our two wonderful girls.
Simply put, open honesty like this – acknowledging the truth about reality fearlessly is pretty darn attractive. It takes courage and guts to openly talk about a marriage splitting up or some major life challenges that have happened. Most people want to keep all that stuff bottled up. Not me. So long as someone is OK with me talking about them by name and the situation in full, I am willing to do so – but I also very much respect those who want privacy.
That’s a Wrap
And there you have it – 5 attractive qualities. Whether you have a knot in your stomach or feel uncertain about the future, you can start living these qualities today. Practice with people you don’t know – just go up and say HI to them. Small talk for a few seconds and then wish them well on their way. I’m doing this at work right now with people I know and I will continue to do it. It’s really fun too! The attractive person cares about people, but knows when to give space. You’ll be amazed at how you are perceived and people will wonder why you’re so confident.
- The Ant Philosophy
- What Goes Through the Mind of Another
- Taking the Kids Outside For Some Basketball
- What is Adding Value and Why To Do It
- Stop Trying So Hard