Write From Your Heart Challenge

I have a challenge for all of you: write from your heart. Write about you non-stop for 30 minutes. Use the timer here. Set a countdown for 30 minutes. Then start writing about yourself—everything you can think of: the good, the bad, the great, the sad, the happy … everything. Share the real you.

The real me

My name is Jeremy Johnson. Most of you won’t read all of this word-for-word, and that’s okay. I wrote for more than 30 minutes and much came from it. Even so, let me begin. When I think about who I really am, I have to admit, I don’t quite know the answer sometimes. I have yet to master focusing on one thing at a time. I suppose multiple personalities take their reign. At times I am energetic and excited. At other times, I feel the weight of life and my energy sapped. I believe the side that is energetic and excited is winning. At least I hope :)

I’ve not always been interested in bettering myself. For most of my life I was just a punk kid, walking around with basketball gear thinking I was so much better than the world. It’s ironic that that person was making $7.50/hour doing data entry, tired all the time, and hating his job. How can someone in that position really think they are so cool? Ignorance is not bliss is a big lesson I’ve learned in life.

I love the game of basketball. I played in high school. During my senior year of high school I was the Starter for our team, Kalamazoo Central, in Michigan. We traveled to Benton Harbor for an away game. They were ranked fifth in the state, we were second. Before the game, I could hear the crowd chanting as we sat in the locker room waiting to go out. I asked Milo Stovall, our best player, if he was nervous. His reply: “Nope.”

I sure was… My memories of that game are so vivid. The pace of the game was frantic. Running back and forth. Amazing shots from both teams. Even though we lost a close game that day, I remember the exhilaration of being in front of a crowd and having the opportunity to play and showcase my ability. I feel such a peace when I am playing basketball.

In a way, I am trying to replicate that peace somehow by communicating and helping others. I think I’d feel a sense of peace speaking in front of 20,000 people having completely mastered the material I am sharing. I can feel all 20,000 eyes staring at me, wondering what I will say, wondering if somehow I will be able to help them with the challenges in their lives.

Part of me wishes this moment would come tomorrow. Part of me knows that there is much for me to do and learn before I can be qualified to do such. Part of me wonders if I will ever figure out how to constantly find the peace that the basketball court brings me. Part of me is very happy with where I am in life and the changes I am making. Part of me feels despair at times. Part of me likes to overeat and let my health go without much explanation.

Childhood played such a major role in the way I think about life. My childhood consisted of playing basketball and playing on the computer. I didn’t get out much at all. I shuddered at having to be social for any reason. The few dances I went to, I quickly sat down on a chair and stared at the floor. Girls intimidated me. A panic attack ensued whenever any encounter with a girl took place. My lack of confidence was an eyesore in my younger days.

I think about my confidence now and I wonder how much it has improved. How much of it is real and how much of it is positive affirmations? A little of both I think. I desire to be more confident, like anyone else. I work at a full-time job where there is leadership opportunities to benefit the company at many turns. I think of myself as a smart, yet simple, web developer; yet, I know I am so much more. I know the company needs my help in so many areas, yet the direction for me to take remains unclear. My aggressiveness in doing so is still young and untapped…

Still I’m learning, reading, and slowly interacting more. I have this idea that I will set up a one-on-one meeting with every manager where I work. I will spend 30 minutes and talk about all the challenges they see and what their thought process is in the position they are in. I have this idea I will compile everything and then create solutions. I have this idea that I’ll one day be in a position to lead. I so very much desire to lead others, yet I know that a leader must be highly intelligent, know what they are doing, and be courageous. My refinement of said attributes is happening, but the result remains to be seen.

I want to see people happy. I want to see people who now spend most of their time watching TV or waiting for their next ‘show’ to instead focus on a life of improvement and mastery. It reminds me of the movie The Last Samurai. In it, the main character is an American soldier captured by the Japanese samurai. Over time, he comes to honor and praise the discipline of the samurai, of which he has seen no equal. I earnestly yearn to be a master. My deepest desire is to become a master at something and share that knowledge to create other masters, so that those people can train others and the world as a whole can grow and progress.

I was autistic until the age of 3. I mysteriously kicked the habit. I was blessed with some athletic ability growing up. Still, I picture myself as someone ordinary doing ordinary things for most of my young life. At times, I wish I could go back and kick my younger self in the butt. But don’t most people feel this way? As such, I forge on like many people seeking a life purpose, but knowing that the current moment is providing so many great memories.

I am blessed with a caring family. I have a wife who is understanding. She’s put up with a lot from me over the years—and still does. Why do I get to have a great wife? Why do I have a great relationship? Why do some seem to always get the short end of the stick in relationships? I believe it is ignorance. There is a way to have a great relationship. And yet so many are unaware and would be even if it were staring them in the face and waving.

But I suppose there is much in life like this. Sometimes the solutions are sitting on our door step waiting to be welcomed in, but our closed minds reject them. I often wonder how many opportunities I miss due to having a closed mind. I contemplate often in my mind the mysteries of life. I sit in my bed at night while my family sleeps, looking at the ceiling fan, wondering when ‘my moment’ will come.

But I know that ‘my moment’—like ‘your moment’—can only come if it is clearly defined. A building is not erected unless it has clear blueprints to follow without guessing. I know this now. You cannot ‘guess’ your way to success. You must choose what success is. I am working on this. I have a general idea of it. But putting the numbers, days, work, milestones, and everything else together is the part I struggle with. I could write a book just about wishing for success, without defining it. I’m pretty good at it!

I have a great family. Many of them struggle in many areas. I know many of them have limiting beliefs that they aren’t even aware of. Sometimes I wonder what I can do to help them see this. When your reality is a certain way, it’s hard to know that there is a giant leech sucking away at your beliefs and creating a reality of falseness that saps away any desire for something greater than simply surviving. As the years go by, I wish I could do more.

I am Jeremy Johnson, one person out of billions on the earth. I’ve learned that leaders inspire and help people to work beyond what they normally could alone. I know an extraordinary psychology is required to achieve great results in life. It truly is a sincere desire of mine to help others get amazing results in their life in areas they would like to achieve in.

So where do I go from here. Have I shared enough? I’m 32 as of writing this. I’m married and have two daughters (a preschooler and a newborn). I’m happy and, at the same time, yearn for more. I yearn to lead. But with the yearning comes the challenge and responsibility of educating myself far beyond average. With that desire comes putting myself on the line and risking failure at every turn. I am prepared to do this. I am prepared to dedicate my life to others and the mastery of my craft—the mastery of creating reality from thoughts.

My Friends: Will you share about yourself as intimately as you can? Will you allow us a glimpse into your soul?

image by Stephen Poff